piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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