im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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