He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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