I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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