id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I am naked and annoyed.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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