I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
