Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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