her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
