His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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