You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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