Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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