porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
