her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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