No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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