how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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