You're my little dorito
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
