we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
you never un-have a 4some
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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