I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
