Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
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