if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
