I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
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Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
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I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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