WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
