If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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