Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
