I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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