toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
you had me at cake vodka
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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