How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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