There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
