My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize