I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
