I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Sorry about my life...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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