Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
