Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
