the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
