Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
