Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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