I'm lost and stupid without you.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
