i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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