i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
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