She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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