road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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