dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
