omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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