Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
