Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
