Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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