I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
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