I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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