You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
