smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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