tonight lets celebrate not being married
No more Irish car bombs ever.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
