Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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