my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He kissed a someone with a penis
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
