If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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