I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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