Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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