he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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