i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
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At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
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Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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