If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
