I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
