I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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