Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
