Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
