I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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