How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize