Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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