Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
