I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
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